why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You may now shotgun with the bride
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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