I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
