just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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