just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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