I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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