Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
