I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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