its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
