He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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