a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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