i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
