Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
MIDGETS
????
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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