I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
