Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
