My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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