mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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