he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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