just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
