We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
