I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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