we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
