'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
