His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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