During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
