So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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