I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
