he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
