Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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