he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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