I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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