i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
that may or may not have been my penis.
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