Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
