from now on my penis is your penis
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
