I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
