i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
