As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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