Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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