I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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