Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
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I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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