The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
