my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
pray to the hookup gods
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
