someone owes me an orgasm
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
