The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
