Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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