I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
