rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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