I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
