Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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