In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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