I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
