hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
