To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
