Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
