So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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