wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
