Is it normal to miss your booty call?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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