I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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