god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
