Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
