Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
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I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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