This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
