It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
