dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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