Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
