My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
