My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
