Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
