Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
