the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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