Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
