why didn't you poke me back
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
