This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we're making bets on your personal life
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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