oh god the rape fog is back!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize