Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
