Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
