The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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